94th Post: 3 Fs

I want to talk about a couple of friends of mine, two females who are best friends. I mean they have done everything together they have shopped, dated (double date you dirty people) and traveled together. There occurred a thing which if it wasn't that it has happened before I would attribute it to their special individuality. It comes down to the three Fs which in our case comes down to

1. Females
2. Fashion
3. Falsities

See female A was wearing a dress which was you know whatever, nice enough but I being an over-analystic nut job. Noticed that it had particular lines and folds which caused the observer to think that her hips were much (much) bigger than they in fact are. I not wanting to be an ass and let her know that I a male has noticed such a thing (nothing between us, but all the same I find females and males don't appreciate the opposite sex noticing their flaws). So I told female B to tell female A that the dress didn't work for her who responded to me that she would never tell her friend that. Now I didn't say anything and thankfully it was dark because I doubt my face was so silent. Now, this is but an instance of a much wider phenomena that I notice so often that females snipe at others for lack of fashion sense but seem to allow their supposed friends (and even their family) to leave the house with horrendous taste. Now while I am neither gay nor an aspiring fashion designer I do understand lines and flow and hell color isn't even beyond me on a good day. So I mean if I can tell what you are wearing looks like shit why aren't your friends saying something to you? Now if it happens once its like whatever yeah? But when your making the same stuff up time after time why isn't someone saying something?

Someone will say that they respect your style. My response? your style is ugly, not ugly because it is different but ugly because it is doing you no favours. I respect my mates style and even though I think it looks like shit I got to say it suits him and his general style so yeah I say nothing. But when my fat brothers wear some horizontal striped shirts I stop them and let them know that yeah those colors and cut is their thing, horizontal lines are not for them.

Some will say that it isn't their place...so exactly whose place is it to protect them? Their enemies? Isn't friendship a matter of helping one another?

See this has happened 3-4 times (those have been the time when I didn't want to say anything myself and when I knew someone close to the fashion failure to be comfortable enough to say something) so I got to wonder maybe I am just an asshole?

BTW Someone told me that the fashion this year is high stilettos and all I can say is "Can't wait"

93rd Post: The creeping of the Darkness

We all have dark dark things within us, when we surround ourselves with light itforces the darkness to remain within us, within our psyche and heart of hearts. Have you ever seen the sun on a blazing day and the hard shadows it creates with buildings? That is like our selves surrounded with light the line separating our dark passions from the outside world is hard and impossible to transcend. However, during the dark moments in our lives our darkest wishes, actions and hopes find that being surrounded with shadows they have a clear gate out into the world.

It is at our darkest moments that our darkest desires are unleashed.

92nd Post: Physical Appearance

This is a discussion of what I think of me, specifically what I think about my physical appearance. If you have never met me imagine a 6'5", now imagine God was out of all the other colors except brown and you are on the right track with my dark brown hair (you know the black which you know isn't black) brown eyes and brown skin.

I have never been self-concious of my height or much else about myself. I mean I am practical...like I slouch intentionally when speaking to people. The reason is me standing tall I keep for those who I am intimidating or making a statement to as it is pretty difficult speaking to me and having your neck craning upwards at a 45 degree angle. And I know not to take side view pictures and they don't do me any favors.

Now this isn't a vanity exercise or I would be talking about my good parts, (you should see my fingertips ). Its a consideration of when I feel good and when I feel bad, that when I feel good about myself I look at myself half-naked in the mirror and think yeah I am doing alright. But when I feel bad about myself I stare and wonder how I let things get so bad. Its a matter of perception and the metaphorical light by which I wish to examine myself. That when someone compliments my (....searches in mind for last compliment realizes that none exists and randomly chooses) shoulders, I look at my shoulders and think yeah they are filled with the strength of 80 kg lifts they are Atlas like shoulders (Atlas is a character from Greek mythology whose job it was to hold up the sky, you may have seen a statue of a man carrying the world on his shoulders thats where it comes from as well as the term used for maps.) but, other days when I am not feeling too good about myself for whatever reason (usually due to the unkindness of the female gender) I look at my shoulders and notice the lack of definition on them.

My shoulders are the same but my mind interperts them differently depending on my mood and while my own personal thoughts are not on the same league they are in the same universe as those who are bolemic and/or anoerexic. That no matter how much weight they lose they see themselves as being unacceptably fat. (Really ladies the BMI thing really does click quite nicely with the male mindset...unless you are especially curvaceous in which case feel free to add 1-2)
Yet, at the same time people can become accusstomed to their current weight, especially males we eventually get ourselves to believe that we are fine with a few extra pounds/kilos lying around when in reality we would love the way we look so much more if only we would drop 5% of our current weight. Let me explain: all humans have body fat and in fact a certain percentage is neccessary for life. Now for men you want to aim for 15% so for me that means 15 kgs of me *should be* fat....(realises thats a lot) for women the aim is 22% that means for a 60 kg female it *should* be 13kgs of fat. The last time I check my body fat percentage I think they had me at around 20%, which according to this table is

Classification	Women (% fat)	Men (% fat)
Essential Fat	10-12%	2-4%
Athletes	14-20%	6-13%
Fitness	21-24%	14-17%
Acceptable	25-31%	18-25%
Obese	32% plus	25% plus

Acceptable, but I could be doing quite a lot better. I found a little program on the net while searching for the above table that some of you might find useful. The Program feel free to give that a go I tried it out on myself and it was withing a percentage point.

Anyways I find myself getting sidetracked, I remember intending to want to talk about body perception and instead talking about body fat statistics....I think the issue is really whether your body is doing what you want it to do, whether you are getting the acceptance/flirting/whatever that you expect to, when you are getting what you want you look at your body in appreciation. When you are not you are looking for what to improve. The issue is when the thing you dislike the most is in fact not fixable except through surgery thats when you look towards this as the answer and I don't know. Some people say it shows a lack of appreciation for God's work, but that is like saying the temple of God which you are is never allowed to undergo rennovations.

I really think that there is only one option for finalising this issue in one's mind and that is by going to your most honest platonic friend and saying analyse my physical features no holding back tell me what is really ugly about me and tell me exactly how ugly it is. Take what they say and right it down and save it somewhere for when your emotions take away your objectivity you can always just go back to what you know is the honest truth.

Signed,
A Slave of Two Masters

91st Post: Dance for love

This video perfectly represents a though that been around in my head for a little while. Imagine you loved someone so much you lacked anyway to explain it and a simple I love you being so over used leaves you no way to express this feeling inside that is dying to burst. Now watch this video, watch as he silently dances like a maniac (its called CWalkn aka Crypt-walking) and he just keeps going until he is exhausted and his energy is finally spent it takes 1 min and 30 seconds for him to give this special "I love you" to his special someone.



BTW Thanks to the two people who let me know that what I was saying was worth being said. I look forward to expresssing my thoughts about you on this blog.

90th Post: It sounds so plausible

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".

I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment".

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".

"OK", I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked...