I have never been self-concious of my height or much else about myself. I mean I am practical...like I slouch intentionally when speaking to people. The reason is me standing tall I keep for those who I am intimidating or making a statement to as it is pretty difficult speaking to me and having your neck craning upwards at a 45 degree angle. And I know not to take side view pictures and they don't do me any favors.
Now this isn't a vanity exercise or I would be talking about my good parts, (you should see my fingertips ). Its a consideration of when I feel good and when I feel bad, that when I feel good about myself I look at myself half-naked in the mirror and think yeah I am doing alright. But when I feel bad about myself I stare and wonder how I let things get so bad. Its a matter of perception and the metaphorical light by which I wish to examine myself. That when someone compliments my (....searches in mind for last compliment realizes that none exists and randomly chooses) shoulders, I look at my shoulders and think yeah they are filled with the strength of 80 kg lifts they are Atlas like shoulders (Atlas is a character from Greek mythology whose job it was to hold up the sky, you may have seen a statue of a man carrying the world on his shoulders thats where it comes from as well as the term used for maps.) but, other days when I am not feeling too good about myself for whatever reason (usually due to the unkindness of the female gender) I look at my shoulders and notice the lack of definition on them.
My shoulders are the same but my mind interperts them differently depending on my mood and while my own personal thoughts are not on the same league they are in the same universe as those who are bolemic and/or anoerexic. That no matter how much weight they lose they see themselves as being unacceptably fat. (Really ladies the BMI thing really does click quite nicely with the male mindset...unless you are especially curvaceous in which case feel free to add 1-2)
Yet, at the same time people can become accusstomed to their current weight, especially males we eventually get ourselves to believe that we are fine with a few extra pounds/kilos lying around when in reality we would love the way we look so much more if only we would drop 5% of our current weight. Let me explain: all humans have body fat and in fact a certain percentage is neccessary for life. Now for men you want to aim for 15% so for me that means 15 kgs of me *should be* fat....(realises thats a lot) for women the aim is 22% that means for a 60 kg female it *should* be 13kgs of fat. The last time I check my body fat percentage I think they had me at around 20%, which according to this table is
| Classification | Women (% fat) | Men (% fat) |
|---|---|---|
| Essential Fat | 10-12% | 2-4% |
| Athletes | 14-20% | 6-13% |
| Fitness | 21-24% | 14-17% |
| Acceptable | 25-31% | 18-25% |
| Obese | 32% plus | 25% plus |
Anyways I find myself getting sidetracked, I remember intending to want to talk about body perception and instead talking about body fat statistics....I think the issue is really whether your body is doing what you want it to do, whether you are getting the acceptance/flirting/whatever that you expect to, when you are getting what you want you look at your body in appreciation. When you are not you are looking for what to improve. The issue is when the thing you dislike the most is in fact not fixable except through surgery thats when you look towards this as the answer and I don't know. Some people say it shows a lack of appreciation for God's work, but that is like saying the temple of God which you are is never allowed to undergo rennovations.
I really think that there is only one option for finalising this issue in one's mind and that is by going to your most honest platonic friend and saying analyse my physical features no holding back tell me what is really ugly about me and tell me exactly how ugly it is. Take what they say and right it down and save it somewhere for when your emotions take away your objectivity you can always just go back to what you know is the honest truth.
Signed,
A Slave of Two Masters
